I try to keep this platform positive, not because I am hiding things, but because I want this to be a positive, safe space for you. But, we all know, especially as equestrians, that’s not the reality every day. There are ups and downs. There are highs and lows. And sometimes, especially where there seem to be more lows than highs, it can put you in a funk. That’s where I feel like I am right now.

Over the winter, Ego had a really hard time in Florida. He had several bad allergic reactions and ended up colicing- spending 5 days in the hospital, but thankfully not needing surgery. Since then, I have been struggling to get him back to full health. I have worked with my vet and nutritionist to create a new meal plan for him, giving his gut time to reset. We have worked to boost his immune system and his allergies while letting him rest. Then came spring, really pushing his allergies over the edge. Every day is different, but more days than not he just doesn’t seem “up to it.” 

He has always been the type of horse that is excited to work. He enthusiastically jumps into the trot to get going. He wants to do his best every ride. He wants to learn and show off and challenge himself. He has always been this way (in the 10 years I've owned him). Over the past few months I’ve seen that side of him maybe three times. Otherwise, he is lethargic and lacking his spark. His breathing is sometimes heavy just from walking. Most often, he pulls me into the middle of the ring and just halts, signaling to me that he’s just not up for it.

I say all of this not because I am searching for answers, because I really have an amazing team that is doing everything we can to help him, but because it has thrown me as his person. I am not someone who will just push him on when I feel like it’s not right. I listen to him. He doesn’t owe me anything. If he wants to work, great, and if not, we don’t. But it leaves me in the place where I ride maybe once a week if it's a good week, I am never sure what the next day holds, and my heart breaks for my “workhorse” who doesn’t have his spark to work.

I want to see the other side. I want to try to remain positive that we will get it under control. I want to look forward to our next adventure together. But it’s hard. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re down in the trenches.

Most of the time we just take a little walk

I quickly feel my riding journey and aspirations leaving, and just want to spend the time with my horse. There’s never any disappointment in spending time grooming or just being with him. But I also have this tug in me that I don’t want to give up for him. He loves to work. He really loves to jump. And if he wants to do that again I want to do that for him. But it’s hard to know.

I want you to know that every journey looks different. Everyone is struggling with something. Be kind. Be supportive. Be there for each other. That’s really what we need in this beautiful community of ours.